I have been an educator for over 20 years, but, first and foremost, I am a mother of two daughters. While they are grown now, heaven knows I still think of them as my little girls. As they were growing up, I always had a fear that someone would hurt them while my back was turned. I think that’s Mommy-Paranoia, and I think we all have some. I think Daddy-Paranoia might even be worse. As a teacher, I always worry that restroom breaks could go badly, and in my neck of the woods, they have many times over the last few years, so I suppose I have Teacher-Paranoia as well. But today I want to talk about something that really is making me emotional, conflicted, and downright angry at times.
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Now first, I know you have probably made up your mind, one way or another. So my goal is not to sway you. I just want you to hear my side of it. Another thing to consider is that growing up, my grandparents traveled a LOT and took me with them everywhere they went. So if nature called, my grandma would open both car doors, my grandpa would turn his head, and I would just go right on the side of the road. My family also camped a lot. There was a communal hole away from the campfire, and I can’t tell you the number of times we accidentally stumbled on someone from our group using it. (I have a big family!) So nature’s call is something we all experience, and I am not necessarily the shy type because of my upbringing. Mothers (and sometimes fathers) often complain that there is no privacy in the family bathroom because little ones are always underfoot. But let’s be honest for a minute; in public, I like my privacy.
Now let’s talk about privacy for a minute. How many times have you ladies sat in a public restroom and watched people through the crack. The crack in that door seems like it’s a mile wide sometimes. I can’t count the number of times that a child has peeped at me through that hole. That’s what children do. But most adults make an attempt not to make eye contact with you, at the very least, through that crack in the door. We have a presumed sense of privacy. How many ladies come out with their dress hem tucked into their underpants, only to wiggle out and adjust it in front of the mirror? Not being a man, I cannot speak to the use of urinals, but I cannot imagine using one in a long line of other people at the same time.
So here’s my thought. I personally know some folks who are transgender. They have been using the bathroom of their choosing for a very long time without incident. Honestly, I know because I asked them. I’m sure there are those who have been persecuted for it. I have no problem whatsoever with someone who truly identifies as a female using the restroom stall next to me. Here’s where my problem lies.
You see, I went to school with this girl who played sports. She was late one afternoon getting to the girl’s locker rooms after practice, so her other teammates had gone home. She had to be at work at her part time job which allowed her to save for college. So she jumped in for a quick shower and suddenly she wasn’t alone. And it was bad. She blamed herself for staying there so late, but there were other people on campus, including teachers. It’s just that no one heard her scream.
Fast forward ten years to a birthday party at an indoor play area. Think big bouncy houses, pizza, games, and lots of screaming children. A good friend of mine was helping to serve the hot dogs, assisting the hosting mom. The eight-year-old guests start to sit down, but my friend’s daughter isn’t with them. She goes to the restroom to find a man with her daughter. And it was bad. It was the worst. These were the years when the law did NOT allow men in the women’s room or women in the men’s room. But bad people break laws.
So if we know bad people are going to break laws anyway, what’s the point in having laws? Laws provide a sense of protection and consequences to those who do not follow the law. So now, that law that says that men can’t follow my daughters into the restroom does not exist. That crack in the door we talked about earlier? It just became a portal for a video camera or at the very least, the eyes of a pedophile. Is this extreme? Maybe it is. But why don’t my children’s health and safety matter in this? Do I feel a threat from transgendered people? No, I honestly do not. Do I ALREADY feel threatened by pedophiles and people who would harm my family? You can bet I do! I ran a two-mile radius search for registered sex offenders near my school and found 26 individuals, three of whom are predators. This is around my school!
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The government now says that if we don’t allow equal access to both bathrooms, we will lose federal funding. Wait. Education is not authorized at a federal level. Federal dollars pay for ESEA, Title I, ESL, ESE, and other programs. They finance free and reduced lunches. Essentially, if we don’t allow our football players to shower with the cheerleaders if they so choose, children with disabilities, children who speak English as a second language, and children in poverty will suffer. Is this a flippant statement? Maybe it is. Am I angry about it? YES, I am.
When our private school goes through its health department inspection annually, we must demonstrate separate facilities for adults and students. They feel it is important to shield students from adults using their restroom, and the law requires that we have them. I am told that it is a safety precaution.
For years, I have worried about the safety of my daughters. It’s not that I don’t trust them. Frankly, I only trust them and no one else. My trust has been broken too many times by people in my life and in my community that have hurt others. As a teacher, I take the safety of my students just as seriously. Now, as an administrator, I worry about the safety of every child in my school. So what do I plan to do if a child comes to me with a concern? How do I promise to keep them all safe?
Fortunately for me, our classrooms all have single bathrooms. But in the lunchroom, I already have supervision. I guess it will be one child at a time in the restroom of three stalls. The line will be longer, but I can ensure everyone’s safety that way. At least I will sleep better at night.
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