Overview:
A heartfelt tribute to Steve and Teresa Engebretsen, longtime married Durham Academy educators whose decades of teaching, coaching, and community devotion the author celebrates through their enduring friendship.
In 1980, Teresa Bell, while still a senior at Appalachian State in Boone, NC, was hired by Rob Hershey (to whom I’ve already paid tribute) to teach middle school French that fall at Durham Academy in Durham, NC. The following year, Rob hired Steve Engebretsen, who had coached basketball and taught PE at Greensboro Day School in Greensboro, NC. Both Steve and Teresa were available, so a fellow faculty member soon took it upon himself to properly introduce them. Not only did Steve and Teresa marry in 1982 but they devoted the entirety of the rest of their careers in education to Durham Academy.
I visited Steve and Teresa on Thursday evening, September 11, 2025, at their home in Durham, NC. I delivered a bottle of Bogle Pinot Noir. It wasn’t a French Pinot Noir, which Teresa might have preferred, but I learned during my visit that she once visited the Bogel Family Vineyards in California. I felt rather proud of myself for accidentally making a good choice. The three of us have stayed in touch since my departure from Durham Academy in 1993, but on that particular evening we dug deep into our mutual pasts, which led to great laughter and a few tears.
I arrived at Durham Academy in 1985. Steve and Teresa, at that point a power couple at the School, welcomed me with open arms. All of the factors that allow strangers to become fast friends were there – similar ages, similar interests, similar senses of humor, and especially a similar dedication to teaching. A year later when developers built a new neighborhood only a mile from the Durham Academy campus, we became across-the-street neighbors on a street we dubbed Happy Valley. Their first child Jake would soon arrive, and then my daughter Liza was born. It was, indeed, a happy place. Jake and Liza became crib mates, were in school together for one year, and are still dear friends today.
I mentioned that there were a few tears amidst the laughter during my visit. Another resident of Happy Valley was Greg Gephart. Greg was a beloved field hockey coach and admissions director for Durham Academy. He became an honorary uncle to Jake and Liza. In 1999, after Greg and I had moved on from Durham Academy, he shockingly passed away after routine surgery in Houston, TX, at the age of 47. Teresa called to let me know of his passing. I was miserable that I could not attend his funeral in Texas. Steve and Teresa did. Since Greg’s passing, we have raised a glass in his memory each time we’re together, and we did so again during our most recent time together in Durham.
Steve was born in Nebraska and moved to North Carolina in the 7th grade. He followed his sister to the University of North Carolina Greensboro where he earned his BS in education in 1980. Teresa earned a BA in French with a minor in psychology that same year at Appalachian State. As Steve rose through the ranks at Durham Academy, he also took additional classes at North Carolina Central University until he was named Athletic Director in 1991. The time consumption of that responsibility precluded him from continuing with his schooling.
Steve played football and baseball in high school. As a big fish in a small pond, he was blessed with great coaches who taught the importance of character and team work. They inspired him to want to have that same impact on young people through sports. Teresa, though, knew she wanted to be a teacher much earlier. She recalls, “I was a bossy firstborn and subjected my siblings to playing school. My grandmother worked at my elementary school as a janitor/ice cream lady and brought home cast-off books and school stuff. I remember having a chalkboard at her house.” In her 7th grade history class, Teresa became the teacher’s helper and decided that she would be a way better teacher than her history teacher.
Teresa entered Harris High School in Spruce Pine, NC, thinking she would be an English teacher, but then she met Mme Christiane Buchanan, who instilled in Teresa a lifelong love for all things French. “She also helped me get into Appalachian State and made sure I took advantage of available scholarships.” Mme Buchanan passed away in 2008. Teresa had begun lighting a candle for her at the Notre Dame Cathedral in 1978 during her first visit to France. She carried on that tradition until 2019 when the cathedral was damaged by fire and began again in 2025 when it reopened.
Steve owes a great deal to Dr. Elizabeth Umstead, a professor at UNCG, who filled him with confidence with her constant encouragement. Dr. Umstead’s other claim to fame was that she was the founder and director of Camp Riverlea. In a small world moment, Steve would soon learn that many Durham Academy students attended this summer camp or served as counselors. Steve might not have landed the position at Durham Academy if not for Freddy Johnson, a legend who to this day still coaches basketball at Greensboro Day School. Freddy and Steve quickly became close during the school year 1980-1981. “Freddy encouraged me to take the position in Durham. His recommendation helped me seal the deal.” He has been a friend and mentor to Steve ever since.
In fact, Freddy had lunch with Steve in Greensboro as recently as mid-June 2026. Freddy recalls, “I first met Steve during his senior year at UNC Greensboro. I was immediately impressed with his character and dependability. He was an excellent role model for the student-athletes. It has been a privilege to know him professionally and personally all these years.”
Both Steve and Teresa nearly left Durham Academy at different times. Steve began looking elsewhere in 2001. He’d been at DA for twenty years (and the Athletic Director for ten years) and simply felt an itch to move on. By that point, however, he and Teresa had two sons attending DA. He ultimately decided that the green grass at DA was, in fact, green enough.
Teresa considered leaving DA in 2006. She had recently been given the position of school registrar with a lot of responsibility and a considerable stipend. She loved the training and challenge as she brought DA into the computer age with schedules and report cards. Suddenly it was taken away and given to a male teacher because it was thought by the administration that he could do a better job with an increasingly challenging schedule. Teresa was understandably furious and ready to leave DA. Fortunately for DA, she went on sabbatical soon after that and was able to get away from it all long enough to find forgiveness.
Currently, Teresa holds the record for longest tenure at Durham Academy – forty-five years. Steve is a close second with forty-three years. This is truly uncommon. For example, I taught at seven schools in five states. That’s more common. Libby Lang, who was a lifer at DA and a former tennis player to whom I’ve paid tribute as well, is now in her thirty-second year as a 2nd grade teacher. Steve and Teresa are pulling for Libby to break Teresa’s record!
Understanding the importance of developing strong relationships with their students was instilled in Steve and Teresa long before they began teaching at DA. For both of them, the friends they made among the students, parents and their colleagues kept them going during the challenging times. Steve goes about his friendship building a little more quietly than does Teresa, but it’s every bit as effective. Because he and Rob Hershey developed trust in one another, Rob gave Steve several well-deserved promotions. “He kept launching my career by appointing me head Varsity Boys Basketball coach and then Assistant Athletic Director.” When Don North became Head of Durham Academy, trust was again established, so much so that, when Steve returned from his sabbatical in 1991, he was named Athletic Director. Don became a mentor first and a friend later.
Teresa developed trust with others as well. In addition to teaching mostly 7th and 8th grade French, she was a homeroom teacher, advisor, 7th grade team leader, academic leader for World Languages, and softball coach. She was asked at one point to develop a course that came to be called Phenomenon of Language. And then there were the yearly trips with students to France. Educators don’t receive promotions and are not asked to take on so many responsibilities unless they have nurtured relationships.
Steve and Teresa also agree that what truly kept them in education were the students. Steve admits, “I made so many good friends over the years among the students. They sometimes came back to see everyone at DA, but sometimes they came back to say hello just to me. That was a great feeling.” His best years were those spent as Varsity Boys Basketball coach (fourteen years), Varsity Girls Softball coach (eleven years) and Athletic Director (twenty-nine years). Teresa, too, felt the love her students felt for her. “I wanted to give them the same love of learning I always felt, especially for French language and culture.” She remembered how tough her middle school years had been and wanted to help 7th graders in particular through the social and emotional turmoil. Many times in recent years, she found herself teaching the children or nieces and nephews of previous students. That was quite the reward for having remained at the same school all those years.
Like me, Steve and Teresa remember teaching long before social media began to rear its challenging head in education. Just as educators were beginning to determine how to fairly limit students’ preoccupation with social media, AI suddenly appeared as a nuisance. Experienced educators such as Steve and Teresa recognize the potential advantages of AI just as we’ve all seen the occasional upside to social media. We, however, are in the business of encouraging young people to think for themselves, to develop their own writing skills, to find their own voices, and especially to develop meaningful relationships with other fellow human beings in ways that don’t feel artificial. Social media and AI often fly in the face of what has mattered the most to Steve and Teresa in their careers.
In Teresa’s yearly French class trips to France, she wouldn’t allow her students to be on their phones during group activities other than to take pictures. If she caught them doing anything else, she’d take them away. The result was that they actually talked to one another about what they were experiencing in Paris. Sometimes, they even spoke in French. “I’m so happy,” she adds, “not to be dealing with the problems that AI causes. It’s still relatively easy to tell when students are using it, but soon the technology will advance to the point where it will really be difficult to know if a student has actually learned to communicate in French or if AI is doing it.”
Steve was blessed in his career to develop strong relationships with many parents of the students he taught and coached. “Their confidence in me, and then their gratitude, made a huge difference in how I was able to impact their children.” Steve and I were both fortunate in our interactions with parents. We’re aware, though, of the challenges that arise when parents and/or their children, both in independent and public schools, feel entitled. They are the exception rather than the rule, but they can take up a very high percentage of a teacher’s time. Even if teachers earn low salaries as they serve society by educating our youth, they are not beneath anyone. Educators such as Steve and Teresa are shining examples of public servants deserving of our highest respect.
Steve and Teresa helped so many students find success that it’s hard to mention just a couple. Andy Kay came to Teresa’s mind as I forced her to choose just one example. “He was always in trouble in middle and high school. His parents were going through a divorce, and he was struggling. DA stuck with him, and he graduated. He is now a middle-school English teacher and lacrosse coach in St. Louis. He’s a husband and dad to two daughters, too. He always gives me a big hug when he returns to DA. I am so proud of him.”
Andy returned my call one afternoon from Mary Institute and Saint Louis Country Day School. I learned that, in addition to his teaching and coaching responsibilities, he is also a liaison for the admissions office at MICDS. He became emotional as he shared some kind words about Teresa. “She remains one of the most influential and impactful people of my life. In middle school, I struggled mightily with my confidence and was going through a tumultuous time in my family, was angry, and ultimately was desperate for attention of any kind. My behavior generally led to teachers hoping to survive the year and push me along, but that was not Mrs. Engebretsen’s way. She penetrated my facade and revealed to me that I was loved. That spirit, that unwavering grace and commitment, gave me a sense of belief in myself. She guided with high standards of expectations and accountability, something all young people need, while always extending her arms to me to offer a hug and affirmation when times felt desperate. Her commitment to doing the hard work has made me a teacher who leads from the heart and is an advocate for kids in my community who others may look past. Even now, I tremble when I think of her goodness. She’s a once in a lifetime teacher, and her legacy impacts the students I work with every day. Indeed, elite teachers continue to impact children for generations.”
Steve recalled Torsie Judkins, to whom I will also soon pay tribute. Torsie was not a troubled kid at all but did need encouragement and reassurance throughout his years at DA. While Steve was on sabbatical, he missed the chance to coach Torsie during his senior year of basketball. “I really regret that. I didn’t realize the loss I’d feel in not coaching him and that group of guys. They were talented and fun to be around.” Torsie has found great success in education throughout his adult life as an administrator, and he, too, stays in touch with the teachers who he knows shaped him during his school days.
Durham Academy, rightfully so, has recognized Steve and Teresa for their many contributions to the school over the years. Two of their most significant contributions were their sons Jake ’06 and Grant ’11. Teresa was honored with the F. Robertson Hershey Award in 2013. The Steve Engebretsen Athletic Leadership Award was named in Steve’s honor in 2019.
In early 2025, I heard through the grapevine that Steve and Teresa would be presented the Faculty and Staff Legacy Award in May on the Durham Academy campus. I couldn’t miss that, so I surprised them by driving down from Maryland. Jake and Grant were on hand to tell funny stories about their parents as well as to express their own love and appreciation for such remarkable role models. Steve and Teresa were kind to include me in a reunion later that evening of many of the faculty members who were at DA when I was there in the mid 80’s and early 90’s. I was filled with pride to have taught side by side with each one of them, and I was humbled that I was welcomed in the group that night.
Steve offers this advice to new teachers. “You have to let some things go that may be eating away at you. Do that for your own sake. Be a part of solutions. As AD, I often told coaches that coaching is hard when you really care about the kids and the team. It takes up time and energy. The rewards – success and relationships – are worth it.” Teresa adds, “Get to know the kids as well as you can, but remember you aren’t there to be their buddy. It’s a fine line. Learn which faculty members to go to, who you can trust, when you need to vent. Let them vent, too. You’ll discover that conflict can be a good thing if handled professionally.”
Both recommend having high standards, both for yourself and the students. Lowering standards in hopes you’ll be more popular will backfire. The students you challenged to meet your high standards, especially the ones who struggled with those standards at the time, are the ones who will come back to thank you (and maybe to apologize).
I remember Steve and Teresa as colleagues who could laugh at the stupid stuff, who would pat me on the back when I deserved it and who would set me straight when I needed that. Steve’s students remember him as fair, serious about his job and surprisingly funny. Teresa’s students remember her as someone who challenged them and cared for them at the same time.
Neither one regrets entering the profession nor staying in it as long as they did. “It was our calling. Our boys were able to attend DA, and we got to teach them and coach them. I got to travel to France with my students, including Jake and Grant, each year. DA was our family and our home.” Teresa, more specifically, recalls wearing a light blue dress her sister had sewn for her on her first day at Durham Academy. She was only twenty-two and scared. She’d left her small mountain town and was now in the “big city” of Durham. Her last day of teaching in late spring of 2025 was full of hugs and tears from 7th graders she would not teach as 8th graders.
Dedicated career teachers are used to working longer hours than anyone should, putting the needs of others before their own, and constantly planning ahead. Retirement isn’t so much like that. I’m sure it’s an adjustment for anyone in any profession. For teachers, it can involve reidentifying ourselves.
Steve retired first in 2024. He was familiar with the Ronald McDonald House connected to Duke Children’s Hospital in Durham. Not surprisingly, he stopped by one day to ask how he might help. The volunteer coordinator plugged him in as soon as he could. Steve is now their go-to guy in the front lobby, and he helps in any other ways he’s asked several days a week. He is now a valued member of another winning team.
In January 2026, Duke University Hospital opened the Ronald McDonald Family Room to support families of children in critical care. Teresa, having provided homemade baked items in the past for Ronald McDonald House, jumped at the opportunity to be the coffee, baked treat, and snack lady for that room. Her baking skills and comforting personality have already been recognized by Duke as she was given the Excellence in Volunteering award in April 2026. Also, she maintains a blog she calls The Sabbatical Chef.
Both Steve and Teresa have entered retirement in ways that have allowed them to give back to their local community and enrich their lives beyond education. If you are nearing the end of your teaching career, they are excellent examples of how rewarding retirement can be. Their hours aren’t as long as they used to be, and they aren’t planning ahead with quite so much intensity, but they are still putting the needs of others ahead of themselves.
Those several years during which Steve, Teresa and I were neighbors in Happy Valley cemented our friendship forever. I often called upon Steve to help me with my home projects. He was always a willing participant. One project involved a brick walkway that would run from my driveway to a side door. I decided we could “borrow” a truckload of bricks from what we hoped was an abandoned brickyard. Steve went with me. A good friend is willing to take such a chance.
Teresa frequently laughed at my fastidiousness, whether it was plucking every single weed that ever grew in my small yard or using a toothbrush to clean my fireplace in the spring. I would do my best to point out her personality flaws, but she simply had very few. Together, Steve, Teresa and I parented our first children in their formative years before I moved to Virginia.
In today’s world of constant change, Steve and Teresa’s stats are nearly unbelievable – a marriage in its forty-fourth year, a combined eighty-nine years in education, eighty-eight of them at the same School, and two sons who were lifers at that school. They deserve to have their careers in education celebrated separately, but, because of my personal feelings for them, I can’t separate one from the other as I express my deep gratitude for what they’ve meant to me as fellow educators and, more significantly, as friends.
