I’m not a math teacher, I’m an English teacher, and I admit it: math and I have never been good friends.  But we do speak occasionally, and that’s why I’ve never understood how May 23rd to August 7th adds up to three months, but apparently it does. It’s ok.  It’s just that crazy math….probably that new pesky Common Core thing.  Since “Ours in not to reason why…Ours is but to live and die,” you may be wondering: just how you can spend your three months of total uninterrupted vacation, so here are some handy tips.

Month #1

The world is your oyster, so live it up. Stay completely away from any human being under the age of twenty-one (unless they are your own children). Do not place yourself in situations such as tutoring, music lessons, day camps, night camps or any type of camp. Remove yourself from babysitting your grandchildren to relieve the financial burden of your children, or taking your child out of daycare. This is your vacation. Do not put yourself into the role of Vacation Bible School Teacher or Scout Leader. Completely stay away from HUD house building, Meals on Wheels delivery,  Bread Basket Pantry stocking or any type of volunteer work.  Absolutely, positively do NOT be involved in any type of paying job that forces you to spend three weeks grading AP exams or teaching summer school. Go to Europe…no, not with your Spanish class, with your significant other. Don’t worry about paying for any of it; you can afford it. The world is your oyster, besides, your spouse makes the real money! Then, just when you feel like you’re tempted to pick up that extra job teaching cake decorating classes at Hobby Lobby, immediately put that thought out of your head and stay one more week on that beach-front rental house. It’s all good. You’re on vacation!

Month #2

This is the most crucial month of your vacation. You must resist all urges to put yourself into any type of seminar, webinar or educational classes. Do not worry about keeping up your certification, you can do that during the school year when you get off at 3:15.  Do not spend your month locked up from 9-4 in a freezing cold, empty campus building attempting to gain three extra hours towards that masters that will increase your salary.  That will just make you pale and wish you were outside listening to the birds. No, this is your vacation. Online classes?? Just say “No”! This is your time off, you don’t need any of it. Kick back, relax, and keep those shoes up on the coffee table…but not with your laptop on your lap checking your work e-mail everyday.

Month #3

You may be tempted to think that this is your last opportunity to catch up on everything you’ve let go during the school year, but resist all temptations, this is your final month of vacation. You might feel that you should finally replace your old worn out floor, replace your old worn out roof, or clean out the garage and trim your trees. This is understandable, but if you do need any of these things done, hire it out, don’t do it yourself. You have the money, this is YOUR time. While your at it, go see every movie you can think of that you couldn’t see during the school year, and not on a Stimulus-Tuesday matinee either…go to the evening movie, and don’t forget to add in a dinner prior to the movie…not just Taco Bell, go to a nice place where you sit and they wait on you (and don’t forget to leave a nice tip). It might be a great idea to throw in a live theatre show during your month off as well. Make sure you get the best seat in the house WITHOUT having to usher or tend the drink station to pay your way in. You can afford it! Live it up! It’s your vacation. And avoid at all costs all FREE activities such as city parks, or your neighbor’s pool. After all, summer money flying out of your pocket faster than usual, is what vacation is all about!

Time to Return

Well, three months have passed and your summer is over. It’s amazing how fast three months can fly by! I’m proud of you. You resisted all urges to go in and finish that yearbook, go to a summer school board meeting or complete that masters degree.  You did it!  Now, it’s time to go back to work, but I don’t want you to worry about a thing…it’s not really all that hard, and you do get off at 3:15. Thank goodness you do what you do for more than just the kids.






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