Overview:
A reflective piece argues that while confrontational, “pissed-off” parents can be difficult, their fierce, sometimes irrational advocacy ultimately reflects a deep commitment that every child deserves.
When I was young in my career, I once apologized to a parent because her 16-year-old daughter was walking into walls.
Mad Mom entered my classroom after school, fuming. Her eyes were wide, an almost predatory look on her face as she locked eyes with me and advanced.
“Do you have any idea how much harm you are causing my child? Your assignment was so difficult she simply cannot think straight. She is so distraught that she is running into walls at home.”
My heart was racing from the sudden confrontation. I was not prepared for this moment; no experience in my life had given me the wisdom or strength to stand my ground and get to the root of the problem. So I wilted.
I apologized for my instructional choices, my inability to know this had been happening, my inexperience, the harm I had caused. When the parent left, the classroom felt very still indeed.
It was my mentor teacher who brought me out of my self-recrimination.
“Hey, I heard all that. That is not on you,” she said. “It is not normal for a kid to start walking into things just because they have hard homework. I’ve looked over your assignment. It’s fine. Believe me, this is a wild parent.”
She told me that as teachers, we have unexpected and intense moments because we deal with people’s kids. When parents show up for their kids, they can present chaotically, ferociously. They have so much care for their child, they lean into their role as protectors, sometimes at the expense of us teachers.
“Don’t be too offended by the parents that show up hot. You know what’s worse? The parents who won’t show up at all. That’s tragic.”
Now that’s a good mentor teacher. She gave me the hard-fought insight only a pro could glean from a situation like that. She didn’t let me stew in the reality of my own inexperience while at the same time passing on wisdom. Mad Mom is scary, yes, but she’s on our side.
Vicious parents who have harassed me and bad-mouthed me and sent nasty emails to me and my administrators–this poem is for you:
“An Ode to the Angry”
Give me the rabid mothers, frothing at the mouth,
Gnashing their teeth, baring their breasts,
Howling to the lonely moon with necks outstretched, backs arched, hands thrown back.
Give me the cursing fathers, spittle dripping from their untrimmed mustaches, Ham hands pounding on desks, reddened faces swelling,
Pointed fingers threateningly jabbing, accusatorily stabbing.
Give me these incandescent parents full of piss and vinegar
Who know their child would never, hasn’t ever, wouldn’t dare
Who won’t sit here and listen to this garbage
Who will be talking with the principal and the superintendent
Who do not care what degree you have because “I am her parent!”
Who know that their child is deep-down good to their bones.
Give me these deranged, throttling, venomous pitbulls
Who take your words out of context
Who repost private conversations on Facebook
Who will not stop or listen to reason or be appeased or compromise.
Give me these volatile, fire-filled Furies
Who threaten vengeance and repercussions
Who make you reach for your union membership card
Who ruin Christmas and Spring Break with their ominous warnings
Who brought you in before your boss and gave you a shellacking you’ve never forgotten.
Give me these demons, these devils, these hounds of hell.
Give me these passionate, poisonous, furious fiends.
Give me these wild-eyed, expletive excreters.
Give me these parents so out of touch, you wonder if they are chemically imbalanced.
They are.
They are most certainly imbalanced.
They have chosen the side of their child so hard, they tip reality to skew in their favor. They are not impartial or rational.
They are zealous Koolaid drinkers, radical sectarians, true partisans.
They are the rabid believers every child needs and deserves.
Thank God for these pockmarked, poison-tongued, slobbering jagoffs,
The rank and rancid and repulsive–and gloriously gallant advocates.
