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Welcome to our advice column! Today we’re helping a teacher who’s colleague doesn’t support her vaccination decision. We’re also helping a teacher who worries about her school staff’s emotional intelligence. See what our writers have to say, then share your own advice in the comments! You can read a couple of our previous editions of Ask The Educator’s Room here and here.
Dear The Educator’s Room,
I’m vaccinated and boosted. When I received my last booster, a coworker told me she would shun me for three weeks because I got the vaccine. I want to get the next booster, but I know this other woman will be shunning her again for three weeks. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. It feels it is wrong for this woman to behave this way.
Sincerely,
Boosted and Betrayed
Dear Boosted,
I know vaccines are a sore and divisive subject, especially along political lines. Still, I am shocked this woman would treat you with such immature disrespect over your personal choice about your body.
I think I’d tackle this similarly to how I’d handle a student who is bullying or otherwise causing harm; courageous conversation.
To focus on maintaining a professional work environment, try saying something like, “As your colleague, I respect your choice not to get vaccinated, and I would really hope that respect goes both ways.”
Or, lean in with thoughtfully crafted curiosity; “It seems that my vaccination status is upsetting to you, but I don’t understand why. Can you tell me more about how my choice is affecting you?”
Questions like this help my students explore their feelings and perhaps realize the illogic of their words or actions. My guess is your coworker won’t be able to articulate clearly why your choice affects them (because it doesn’t). But, at the very least, it will turn down the heat.
Or, perhaps try the classic “I” language to center your experiences and feelings; “I am making a carefully considered and very personal choice, and I just want you to know that’s really hurtful.”
I hope one of those tactics will help, but I also want to say that if it doesn’t, you don’t have to tolerate their behavior. If this coworker is too immature and salty to treat you with the respect you deserve, you do not have to have a relationship with them, working or otherwise.
– Emma-Kate Schaake
Have a question for The Educator’s Room and our readers? Submit your anonymous dilemma to us here!
Dear Boosted,
Before I address your colleague, I want to commend you for your determination to protect your health and the health of those around you. Our jobs do not come before our health, and I would argue that it is important to take care of our health to do our jobs well. By choosing to get vaccinated, you are prioritizing keeping yourself well and showing care for your family, friends, and students with whom you will come into contact.
For the above reasons, you should never feel guilty for choosing to get vaccinated. Nor should you allow a coworker to make you feel awkward because you are taking care of your health. You also shouldn’t have to hide getting a vaccine for her to work with you. Your instincts are correct. While she has the right to choose not to get the vaccine, nothing gives her the right to shun you and refuse to work with you because you chose to do so. It may hurt, but if her lack of interaction does not negatively impact both of your abilities to work, ignore the situation altogether. However, if it does affect your ability to work, report her negative behavior. But only after you have gotten the shot and she refuses to work with you. She should not be allowed to make your work environment uncomfortable.
– Sarah Styf
Dear The Educator’s Room,
A student of mine’s mother recently passed. Another student in the building was bothering her, and as the student defended herself, the adult retorted, “Do you want me to call your mom?!” Causing the student to break down. I know the staff member didn’t do it to be malicious, but the damage is done. How can we educate our staff on being more emotionally intelligent in working with our students?
Sincerely,
Where’s the EQ?
Dear EQ,
First, I would want to ensure the harm has been repaired for the student who lost her mom. She is a child experiencing trauma and loss, and moments like this can rub salt in a very fresh and painful wound.
I would hope that the staff member sincerely apologized and checked in on how she was doing.
This incident is a great example of the importance of intent and impact. The staff member may not have had any malicious intent, or they might not have even known, but the impact still results in harm to this child.
To your question about helping staff be more emotionally intelligent, I think there are proactive moves to help staff widen their understanding of the myriad ways our students show up.
For example, a few years ago, I switched from saying parents to guardians (or “your grown-ups”) in any context. We shouldn’t assume a student’s home situation is “traditional,” and this extreme case really highlights that.
What kind of language shifts can you teach about things like family structure, pronouns, deficit lenses, intent and impact, or racial equity?
In our building, we actually use real examples that have happened in our hallways and classrooms as scenarios for staff to work through. Authentic discussion, problem-solving, and visualization can all strengthen their advocacy, equity, and social-emotional muscles.
Any proactive learning adults can do to avoid, even unintentionally, harming our students is worth the staff meeting time.
– Emma-Kate
Have a question for The Educator’s Room and our readers? Submit your anonymous dilemma to us here!
Dear EQ,
This situation is so hard because we are dealing with human beings with human emotions who don’t always know how to best deal with uncomfortable situations. While it is entirely possible that the other adult in the situation did not know that your student had just lost her mother, that does not excuse making a bad situation worse. The first step should be personally addressing the adult and giving them information on your student’s situation. Sometimes all it takes to change how adults interact with students is to make them aware of the inadvertent harm they just caused.
It also sounds like the students needed to be separated and talked to individually to determine what happened and how the situation got out of hand. Teachers and staff need training in conflict resolution with each other and the students in their care. Because the adult intervened before the conflict got physical, there would have been time for further investigation. Our students come to us from a variety of home situations, and adults who have regular student contact should be aware that not every student’s home situation will include a “traditional” family structure. Even more important is helping adults understand that most misbehavior stems from deeper issues that need to be addressed and taken into consideration. For example, your student was dealing with personal trauma exacerbated by another student’s behavior toward her.
At the very least, research what needs to be done to make training in emotional intelligence a part of scheduled professional development. This learning could come in the form of a book club, guest lecture, or discussion. Of course, you will not be able to change everyone overnight, but sometimes we just need to be made aware of a situation, so we know that we need to respond differently.
– Sarah
about the advisors
Sarah Styf is a 19-year high school English teacher. She lives in the Indianapolis area with her husband and two children. She is passionate about education reform and civic engagement. She can be found on Instagram @sarah.styf and Twitter @sarahstyf.
Emma-Kate Schaake is a National Board Certified English teacher in Washington state. She’s passionate about her teacher leadership role at the building and district levels, creating professional development on equity, school culture, and social justice. She writes about her ongoing journey to unlearn myopic history, act as an advocate for her students, and think critically about her role as an educator. Follow her on Instagram @msschaake
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