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Welcome to our brand new advice column! Today we’re helping a teacher who got a poor reaction to a note home and another teacher dealing with some end-of-school-year sadness. See what our writers have to say, then share your own advice in the comments! You can read our first edition of Ask The Educator’s Room here.
Have a question for The Educator’s Room and our readers? Submit your anonymous dilemma to us here!
Dear Educator’s Room,
I sent a note home to a student’s family after they fell asleep in class asking them to make sure she gets enough sleep. They told me she gets 8 hours of sleep each night and that she’s been going through something stressful outside of school and she’s probably recovering from that experience. They accused me of not knowing my students and said I should have checked in first before making assumptions. [via Reddit]
Sincerely,
Feeling Attacked
Dear Feeling Attacked,
You voiced your concern about the student sleeping in class as a teacher. Second, you recognized that something was affecting the performance or behavior. Thirdly, you reached out to the parent with your concern.
We don’t know if this was the first time the student fell asleep or if there was a pattern. What was going on in the class when they fell asleep? Was it early in the day, or near the end of the day? Did you notice anything else about the student feeling ill or lethargic?
Reflect on these questions. How is your relationship with the student? Did you ask the student what was wrong before sending a note to the parent? Building a solid and positive relationship with a student is the most important thing a teacher can do. When you have an academic and social-emotional relationship with students, you can converse with them to find out what’s going on. Also, if there’s a strong bond between a teacher and student, you will know specific triggers or demeanor changes that signal something isn’t right. Simple check-in and check-out systems could have alleviated this situation.
A parent wants communication from the teacher. They want to know what’s going on at school and information about their child. The parent-teacher relationship is essential and a bridge toward a better relationship between the student and teacher. Still, starting with a simple conversation with the student may have resulted in a different outcome.
- Cassandra Washington
Dear Feeling Attacked,
We all have students who fall asleep in class for a variety of reasons. While I stopped taking it personally a long time ago, it has been hard to decipher which students are sleeping because they are bored and belligerent and which students are sleeping because they really cannot function due to factors outside of my control.
First, you did the right thing by contacting home. If your student’s grades are slipping or they are not getting their work done, it is important for parents and guardians to be aware that the reason those grades are slipping is because they are sleeping through instruction and work time.
Second, do not dwell on the parent response to your concerned note. Remember that individuals will react differently to a well-meaning message when a family is struggling through a difficult time. I would apologize for the initial tone of your note home, clarify that you didn’t mean to accuse the student or their family for poor decision-making regarding sleep habits, and indicate that you really only had the student’s best interest in mind.
Finally, take this as an important lesson for future notes home regarding sleeping students. As a high school teacher, I have had students fall asleep in my classes for a variety of reasons. Yes, some of them are bored, but the vast majority aren’t sleeping enough because of too much homework, work outside of school, extracurricular activities, and personal or family struggles beyond their control. Learning that I needed to find out the why before we could come up with a solution has been an important piece of the puzzle. While it may feel invasive, most parents will appreciate a note that asks if there are underlying causes to the sleepiness and what you, the teacher, can do to help encourage their child.
It can be hard to brush off one terrible parent exchange, especially one that we feel attacks our professionalism and concern for our students, but we can use those uncomfortable exchanges to improve future interactions.
- Sarah Styf
Dear Educator’s Room,
Today was our last day of school. Am I a weird or unusual teacher for feeling sad about it? Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy to have a break, but I will miss my kids! I see memes and posts all the time about how teachers can’t wait to ditch their students for the summer. I just can’t relate to that at all. I have a pretty busy life too, so it’s not like I don’t have anything else going on in my life. I just love my kids, and I worry about them over the summer (they are reckless high schoolers). Does anyone else feel this way, or am I just weird? [Via Reddit]
Sincerely,
Summertime Sadness
Dear Summertime,
Missing your students is not unusual during summer, spring, or holiday breaks. While you may be tired or stressed from a long year, the students you see and teach each day become an integral part of your life. You develop strong relationships with the children, for several reasons you may miss them. Everyone is different, so don’t judge yourself according to how others feel.
First, seeing them every day is a routine in your life. You live and breathe everything about your students five days out of the week. Having solid relationships means caring for and nurturing them. During the school year, you learn many different things about their lives, personalities, and overall well-being. You know their successes and struggles, whether personal or academic. However, when the students are away for the summer, you will wonder how they’re doing and who’s taking care of their needs.
During summer break, you may miss:
- Daily classroom routines
- Teachable moments with your kids
- Kids calling your name a thousand times
- Your students’ personalities, silliness, and individualism
- The silly questions and stories they ask and tell
- Greeting the kids in the morning
- Dismissing the kids at the end of the day
You are not weird, and there is nothing wrong with missing and loving your kids. It’s a sign that you care and have positive relationships with them. Worrying about their well-being is another sign of how much they mean to you. Everyone is different, so don’t compare yourself to others.
- Cassandra
Have a question for The Educator’s Room and our readers? Submit your anonymous dilemma to us here!
Dear Summertime,
I promise that you are not weird, and neither are your colleagues. It is normal for people to be eager for a change of pace and a break from routine, even if they love what they do. It is wonderful that you have developed such a close relationship with your students that you are going to miss seeing their faces every day and worry about what they will be doing over the summer.
But it is also true that you need to embrace this time and enjoy the break from your students and classroom so that you can return to school in the fall ready for new challenges. Summer vacation shouldn’t just be about catching up on all of the things that we can’t do during the school year (although I know we all have plenty appointments lined up), but also focusing on renewing ourselves.
Our students may become our “kids” during the course of the school year, but most of our students are going to be ok as we release them to their families for the summer. We care deeply but we are not responsible for their decisions when they are not in our classroom.
Enjoy your summer and focus on yourself and your own family. You will not regret it.
- Sarah
Cassandra Washington is a semi-retired principal. She has 30 years of experience as a public school educator. Currently, she works as an Instructional Coach for a not-for-profit organization and a consultant for an educational publisher. Also, Cassandra publishes a blog, www.teachandtaketime4u.com, and speaks at national conferences about teacher wellness.
Sarah Styf is a 19-year high school English teacher. She lives in the Indianapolis area with her husband and two children. She is passionate about education reform and civic engagement. She can be found on Instagram @sarah.styf and Twitter @sarahstyf.
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