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Welcome to our brand new advice column! Today we're helping a teacher who is battling parents over their child's cell phone. Our second teacher needs help figuring out what to say to a family whose child is definitely not college-bound. See what our writers have to say, then share your own advice in the comments! You can read our previous editions of Ask The Educator's Room here and here.
Have a question for The Educator’s Room and our readers? Submit your anonymous dilemma to us here!
Dear Educator's Room,
I have a student who is always on her phone. When I spoke to her parents, they said it brings her joy. They refuse to cooperate and have even bought her a backup phone in case I confiscate one! (Adapted from Reddit)
Sincerely,
At My Wit's End
Dear Wit's End,
This is a problem that plagues every single educator in America and it is a problem that appears to have gotten worse during COVID. I’m sure it is tempting to throw the statistics about cell phone usage and mental health at your student’s parents. It is clear that the cell phone is a serious distraction in your classroom. It also seems that the phone has become a lifeline for your student for any number of reasons.
It appears that the parents have given up policing their child’s cell phone usage as well and are using an excuse to explain why they cannot justify taking it away from her. I would first go to an administrator. Then, explain to the parents the specific impact you see the cell phone having on their child. While cell phone usage is rampant and generally harmful, the academic and social impact on each child is different. Give examples of how the cell phone is standing in the way of her classroom success and interaction with her peers.
Finally, I would have a conversation with the student regarding the impact of her phone usage on her current progress and future goals. Ask her if she has any solutions for how she can step away from her phone usage and clearly reiterate your classroom policy with her. If this fails to produce results, follow through with a plan approved by your administrator.
We’re all facing this challenge with students and peers. We could all use some advice on how to better monitor our technology usage.
- Sarah Styf
Have a question for The Educator’s Room and our readers? Submit your anonymous dilemma to us here!
Dear Wit's End,
I think it’s time to talk to your administration.
I applaud you for talking to the parents, bringing them into the conversation about their daughter’s cell phone use, but at this point, I don’t think it’s an individual teacher’s job to change parent behavior.
If your school has a phone policy, now is the time to lean into it.
If your school is anything like mine, enforcement is left up to the individual teacher and is therefore a bit of a hot mess. This particular incident can be a great case study for your administration in how the policy isn’t really working. If it’s more a guideline than a hard and fast rule, then students (and parents) will naturally push boundaries and find ways around it.
If your school doesn’t have one, I’d suggest talking to your colleagues to bring the issue to the attention of the administration together.
In my experience, if admin see something as a systemic issue, rather than an anomaly of student behavior, they are more likely to take action. Maybe bringing up some research on the relationship between cell phones, social media, and mental health will be apt here, especially given the parents’ claim that her phone is emotionally supportive.
Unfortunately, in light of how much students have relied on technology as a balm during the pandemic, I think we are going to see much more of this kind of behavior. I get it, I know my screen time has gone up as well, but these habits don’t negate the very real negative consequences these devices have on learning.
- Emma-Kate Schaake
Ask The Educator's Room - Two Tough Parent Conversations Click To TweetDear Educator's Room,
How do I tell a parent their child is not going to get into college? [Adapted from Reddit]
Sincerely,
Bad News Bearer
Dear Bad News,
I’ve often noticed an unspoken divide between parental expectations and student goals. Before you speak to the parents, have a conversation with the student. Find out what their goals are and ask them if they have a plan for how they are going to achieve those goals. They might have already decided that they do not want to attend a four-year university or they might have selected a community college program to raise their grades so they can transfer to a different school in a few years. They may have also decided that they don’t want to attend any colleges and instead plan to enroll in a training program that will get them a job sooner than later. If their goals do not match their parents’, they may be scared to tell their parents their plans and they may need help doing so.
Once you have a better understanding of your student’s goals, tell the parents their options with those goals in mind. It is entirely possible that both parties still believe that a four-year college should still be on the table. Explain that the path forward may not include immediate admission but instead require additional work before applying.
Unfortunately, they may still choose to ignore you, in which case you tell them how to go through the admissions process and allow it to play out on its own. It’s not always students who need to learn the hard lessons; sometimes it’s their parents as well. Let someone else give the final word because, in the end, their college acceptance isn’t up to you.
- Sarah
Have a question for The Educator’s Room and our readers? Submit your anonymous dilemma to us here!
Dear Bad News,
It seems like these parents might be in for some hard truths, but I would frame your response as laying out the options, rather than just closing a door.
I think too often, our school systems frame four year college as the ultimate goal. Even when we tout “college and career readiness,” our language emphasizes college as a first choice, with career being the fallback.
Have you noticed something that the student is really passionate about? Maybe they love cars and would excel with some training as an auto mechanic. Maybe they are constantly drawing and could be a killer graphic designer if only someone encouraged that talent.
Community college is also a fantastic option for all students, regardless of grades, and something I wish I would have considered at the end of my high school career. Families can save money (usually a great selling point) and students who might not have excelled in high school have time to mature and grow.
Often, students with less than stellar grades haven’t found their spark yet. community college is a great way to find that.
If a four year institution is something that is important to them that option is still on the table, just a little later down the line. I think it’s important for students and families to understand their options and not panic at the end of high school.
Students don’t need to know what they are going to do with the rest of their lives the moment they graduate. They just need the next step.
- Emma-Kate
About the Advisors
Sarah Styf is a 19-year high school English teacher. She lives in the Indianapolis area with her husband and two children. She is passionate about education reform and civic engagement. She can be found on Instagram @sarah.styf and Twitter @sarahstyf.
Emma-Kate Schaake is a National Board Certified English teacher in Washington state. She's passionate about her teacher leadership role at the building and district levels, creating professional development on equity, school culture, and social justice. She writes about her ongoing journey to unlearn myopic history, act as an advocate for her students, and think critically about her role as an educator. Follow her on Instagram @msschaake
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