Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) is a supportive community where you can share your experiences, find understanding, and gain the tools necessary for recovery
In my second year of teaching, the unexpected arrival of Covid-19 brought immense challenges. The already demanding workload nearly doubled as I grappled with preparing work packets, transitioning to virtual learning platforms, reaching out to families, and even conducting home visits. The stress was palpable, affecting everyone I knew. Our now daily staff meetings became tense gatherings filled with anxiety, and several teachers even left their positions. To cope, it became a running joke among us to indulge in “a glass of wine” after each workday, a small relief in an overwhelming week.
We even started hosting virtual “happy” hours, proudly sharing our choice of beverages. However, what began as a simple stress-relief technique soon evolved into something much more significant for me. Drinking became my crutch, my lifeline. I felt as though I was drowning in a sea of work, fear, and guilt, constantly questioning if I was doing enough for my students and their families. Having a drink, or sometimes three, after work became my sole means of coping.
Teaching During COVID-19
The tremendous pressure on teachers during that time is often misunderstood by many. I was expected to conduct live virtual sessions for the majority of the day, while also dedicating time to reach out to families whose children were struggling. I became the tech-support, community resource coordinator, private tutor, and the voice of comfort for my frightened students. I had to teach seven-year-olds how to type, navigate the internet, and upload and submit assignments.
With a class size of 37 students, I was lucky if I had 12 of them join a class. To make matters worse, I felt isolated. I lived alone in a small one-bedroom apartment nestled in a quiet neighborhood. My entire day revolved around sitting indoors, glued to my computer screen, often causing my wrists to ache by day’s end. Sometimes, my workday wouldn’t conclude until 2 AM. I found myself cut off from family, friends, and now even my colleagues.
Support During COVID
The support from my district came in the form of even more “professional development” sessions paired with a series of lesson plans that were widely impractical for a virtual setting with young children. The demands regarding assessments and achievements barely changed. Our student learning objectives (SLOs) were still due in the spring, and if our students hadn’t achieved success, even those who had attended only a few classes throughout the year, our evaluations suffered.
Evaluations were conducted as usual, as if nothing had changed. We were instructed to mark students as “present” if they did so much as respond to a text message. Additionally, we were expected to compile lists of incomplete assignments at the end of each quarter and provide students with an opportunity to complete all the missing work without any penalty. This meant I had hundreds of assignments to grade and enter within a few short days.
“Stress” doesn’t adequately capture the extent of what I experienced during that time. Frankly, I was filled with anger. I watched as the rest of the world adapted to the new circumstances, finding solace and support in one another. Meanwhile, as a teacher, I was burdened with an entirely new workload atop an already unmanageable one. I was traumatized by the sudden changes, combined with isolation and an intense drive to meet my students’ needs. It disrupted my sleep, appetite, and pushed me toward negative coping mechanisms, like alcohol consumption.
Support for Teachers
Looking back, it’s no wonder that this was the time when my alcoholism reached its peak. Fortunately, it was also during this time that I discovered the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.). At the suggestion of my therapist, I attended a virtual A.A. meeting, and it felt like I had finally found my tribe. The stories shared by others about losing hope, then finding it through the program, resonated deeply with me. I had lost hope, and now I was rediscovering it.
For those unaware, Alcoholics Anonymous is a global support group for individuals struggling with alcohol and substance abuse disorders. It is a free, anonymous, and widely available resource. The program offers a message of hope, assuring us that although we may struggle with these diseases, we can recover. One aspect that surprised me upon joining “the rooms” was the number of fellow teachers I encountered. We all shared a similar narrative: work-related stress had become so overwhelming that our alcohol or substance abuse had escalated to a severe and debilitating level.
Source of Stress
Every teacher I spoke to identified teaching as a primary source of stress and a catalyst for their drinking. I hesitated to discuss my involvement in A.A. or even my sobriety with my coworkers. Drinking had become so ingrained in our teaching culture that I feared judgment or being looked down upon for choosing to abstain. The stigma surrounding participation in programs like Alcoholics Anonymous. is tremendous, and I wasn’t ready to share my personal journey with the world.
It is crucial that we, as an educational community, come together to address these issues openly. By fostering an inclusive and supportive environment, we create room for personal growth and healing. I envision teachers and entire school districts celebrating the courage and resilience it takes to seek help for substance use disorders. I hope society as a whole embraces the transformative power of individuals who work diligently to change their lifestyles. Being an alcoholic didn’t make me a bad teacher.
In fact, I was an exceptional teacher, wholeheartedly dedicated to serving my students and their families. I showed up every day, worked tirelessly, and received excellent evaluations. Yet, unbeknownst to others, I was slowly destroying myself. I consider myself fortunate to have found help when I did, and I encourage any educators who question their alcohol use to take a break or attend a meeting. Support is available, and it saved my life.
Support is Available
To all educators who may be struggling with alcohol use, remember that you are not alone. Help and support are available to guide you on the path to recovery. If you are seeking assistance, I encourage you to reach out to Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.). A.A. provides a supportive community where you can share your experiences, find understanding, and gain the tools necessary for recovery. Their meetings are accessible both in-person and online, ensuring you can connect with others who have walked a similar path. Remember, reaching out for support is a courageous step towards healing and a brighter future. You deserve the care and support that can lead you to a healthier and more fulfilling life.
Kerry King is a 2nd grade teacher from Baltimore, MD. Beyond the classroom, I embrace my role as a caregiver to my stepson and two lovable dogs.
