By Lanee Higgins
At 16, it was my dream to become an English teacher. I wanted to inspire students the way my English teachers inspired me. I sacrificed so much to become a teacher–sleep, sanity, and being there for my grandma’s final days of life– it hurts that much more that at 28 I let this dream die.
Many people will look at me like I’m crazy: You gave up a good job with job security and healthcare during a global pandemic?! Yes, yes I did. The dream that I had sacrificed so much to achieve had become a nightmare that was increasingly draining the life out of me. Being a teacher is hard, and while it is not the sole source of my depression, it is one of the biggest triggers.
Teaching demanded more and more of me– more than I was willing to give. I am paid for 32.5 hours, but I work 50. Weekends are dedicated to catching up on work instead of spending time with my husband and son. I go to bed at 1:30 AM planning, grading, doing reports, contacting parents, and anything else I missed. I wake up at 6:00 AM trying to catch up on all the things I didn’t do the night before prior to the start of the school day.
Add the lack of support from parents and the school system.
Add the isolation of the pandemic.
Add the fear of returning to unsafe work conditions and the failure of the union to protect us.
Add the meetings that give more reports to do and more phone calls to make and more strategies to include in your instruction.
And it becomes an endless never-ending cycle of losing yourself to meet the demands of a system that you will never satisfy because it will always want more.
No wonder I crumbled.
I am not writing this to bash the teaching profession. I loved teaching. Getting students excited about reading and discussing literature or understanding how an era in American history impacted our lives today was fulfilling. Planning lessons that were both creative and engaging was my specialty: I found the perfect balance between reaching and teaching students. I learned from my students as much as they learned from me, and I valued each and every one of the perspectives that they brought to my language arts class. But if you were never a teacher (or have a teacher significant other), you have NO idea what teachers endure on a daily basis. You don’t know that a school day starts way before the start of the actual school day and ends hours after the bell rings.
You don’t see workplace bullying, gaslighting, and intimidation.
You don’t hear the tones that administrators, parents, and students take with teachers that have caused many of us to cry at our desks, in front of our students, and in our cars on the way home. You haven’t witnessed a teacher get physically hurt by a student or by protecting a student. You don’t know the pain when you lose a student to illness, accident, murder, or suicide.
When teachers do find the strength to voice how much teaching hurts their mental health, the responses from administrations and local educational leaders are lackluster. We’re told, “if we’re feeling this way, imagine how the students are feeling.” We must think of their needs before our own.
They forget that exhausted, unhappy teachers don’t create the best learning environments.
Not because we don’t want to, but because we’re so drained we can’t. We’re told “self-care!” but no amount of “self-care” is going to fix the broken public education that breaks teachers.
More mental health resources need to be obtainable for educators.
More districts need to adopt policies on addressing educator trauma.
More support and fewer demands need to be placed on teachers.
Teachers need more pay for the work that they do on and off the clock. I want all of these changes to happen because our teachers more than deserve it. I taught for seven years, but my mental health couldn’t afford for me to wait around and hope. The decision to resign as an 8th-grade language arts teacher killed my dream, but it saved my life.
I was once the 2014 Hood College Distinguished Teacher Candidate of the Year, but now I’m unemployed.
I just resigned after twenty years. Also a middle school English teacher. I could relate so much to this article. Thank you!
You are wise to make this change now. You are young and can pivot to a new career or find a healthier system to be part of. The profession of teaching is suffering because of misguided mandates and a false narrative that all ills in society are due to teachers and education systems. In many schools it can make for a toxic workplace environment. I connected with so much of what you wrote:
“And it becomes an endless never-ending cycle of losing yourself to meet the demands of a system that you will never satisfy because it will always want more.”
“You don’t see workplace bullying, gaslighting, and intimidation.”
“More support and fewer demands need to be placed on teachers.”
Once you have had time, space and distance from the stress of the last few years – and have recuperated – you will find joy in a new career (teaching or other). Best of luck!
You lost me at 28! What you went through is not uncommon so you did nothing commendable by quitting on your dream. We all have a similar story but at 28 you haven’t been through half of what some veteran teachers have been through. That position didn’t work for you so you throw it all away? No! You never let one bad experience redirect your trajectory! Dreams require a fight every now and then. Back up…regroup…. find something better…..but never give up on a dream. You may not regret it now but trust me…..it will haunt you if teaching is truly your passion.
See, now you just did exactly what she was talking about. You are putting her down because of an informed decision she made. Do not be dismissive of that. She thought about it, she made an informed decision and it does not matter what age she made it at. She should not have to go through decades of a horrible experience to earn the right to quit. Kudos to her for getting out early and not wasting her life on a career choice that did not work for her. I wish I had done the same. Instead I suffered for almost 3 decades.
I fully agree with you, the take you responded to was emotionally bankrupt and completely misguided. “Jeff” tried to gatekeep pain and suffering. Like, what?
This is where the problem starts. Something small. I see your intention is pure & only to help but no one should ever have to endure trauma and suffering for the sake of their dream! Same as someone having a dream to get married to a toxic partner and endures the emotional or physical abuse to accomplish it. This is shaming instead of praising! Saying it’s not uncommon speak to the very problem at hand. A problem that should concern you more than her giving up her dream. You bypassed the abusive system to blame the victim. SMH.
Let’s focus on the problem of WHY she had to quit her dream, which is a shame, instead of WHY she was wrong too. That way we can fix it for other teachers that are scared too & make justifications on why they shouldn’t.
Thank you for this. As I always say to my friends, I am in an abusive relationship with the school I teach at. So much of this is true. And the treatment of teachers is deplorable. In my building I am not treated as a human being, let alone a professional. I am in year 21 and searching for other jobs outside of teaching. In September.
You did the right thing. Teaching as we have come to know it in American public education IS soul crushing. Teachers should not be asked to sacrifice themselves and their families. I wish I had left the profession years earlier for the sake of my son. Wishing you many blessings as you go forward.
I am not a teacher but this article has really inspired me to make sure I, as a parent to school aged children, do not become apart of the problem. I had some idea as to what teachers went through but not the seriousness of such problems. I truly appreciate you and every other teacher that inured so much pain in order to put our children first.
I am so very sorry you went though unnecessary trauma because our system is broken. Empathy is sorely lacking. I hope you have found peace.
And for the teachers who have stayed, we need to rally around them as we do our firefighters, military and police officers. You guys are needed just as much as they and no one should ever have to be made to feel the way you have felt. It isn’t fair. We need t fix this.
Thank You for taking them time to express (well written btw lol) and bring awareness to this issue!
Fellow teacher and Hood Alum here. I see, hear and feel you so hard right now. I’m also considering giving it up (this is year 20 for me). After a while, the mental toll just outweighs the joy of the job.